My late thirties have been cruel to me but I knew it was going to happen someday and didn't want it to. Life just went by too fast. It's awful we have to lose grandparents and parents during our lifetime, but I am thankful I had grandparents in my life as long as we have. Not many of my friends have their grandparents growing up or even knew who they were. I, unfortunately, never got to meet my Mom's father, Doug. He was selfishly taken away from us by some stupid people in the late 1970's. Grandma Karen is the only one left.
Grandpa Dennis had been a warrior since Grammie passed away in August 2018, but you could see him slowing down more and more every day. We knew the inevitable was near and we weren't happy about it. Grammie and Grandpa's quality of life stopped back in 2013 when they stopped hosting events at their house. They stayed home more and didn't eat very well, which is a bummer for people their age. I wish I would have known about it so I could make meals and deliver food to them.
We did stop by often and hang out with them. Dad went there just about every day after work to see how they were doing. After Grammie passed and Dad retired, he spent a lot of time with Grandpa to make sure he was feeling okay and doing the things he needed to do because he was living alone with two cats and two dogs.
He started feeling bad and having issues, so Dad forced him into going to the doctor to find out what we needed to do to make him start feeling better. Grandpa has spent the last 20 years taking care of Grammie and not taking care of himself very well. It was showing really bad in 2019 and 2020. Dad finally forced him to go to the doctor and we found out he had colon cancer and it needed to be operated on as soon as possible.
His surgery was fall of 2020 in the midst of Covid, which made it difficult. We were not allowed to see him when he was in the hospital (only one representative could be there, which was Dad) and when Grandpa got out of the hospital and was in a facility to heal, Dad was the only one who could see him, and it was brief. Covid and the lockouts were sure some horrible times.
Grandpa finally got to go home but sadly; he couldn't stay at home by himself without care around the clock. Dad couldn't do it because he was still going to work. We unfortunately, had to put him in a care facility even though we didn't want to because he kept falling and hurting himself. Dad made the plans to move him and some of his stuff into Bonaventure out of Lacey. This facility isn't too far away from where Ben and I live.
The end of January 2021 we moved Grandpa into his final place of residence. It was so sad that my grandparent's house was no longer a home, but a shell of love, laughter and memories. It was hard for me to accept that we would never get to have a happy moment inside that house or in that yard ever again. I really struggled with it. Every time you went inside the house you saw them. Everything reminded me of them. There are times when I went inside, I swore I heard Grammie talking to us or saw her sitting in her chair by the window watching TV.
It's been hard digging through and sorting out loved one's belongings, especially the things that meant something to them when they were here. We knew they didn't need them anymore but what do we do with some of the stuff? There's no manual for this stage of our life. We were clueless. Dad was talking it harder because he was the only one, besides me, going through stuff. Tracy and Kevin did not want any hand in it. It was so disappointing.
Grandpa was doing well while he was being taken care of in a clean facility with round the clock care and three meals a day. His previous place, down in Centralia, they were not taken care of him very well and he lost a lot of weight. We felt so bad for him. He should not be being treated like this during this part of his life. We visited him often, Dad went just about every day, and throughout the spring we recorded him on the GoPro sharing his stories with us. We stopped when the camera finally died because it wouldn't hold a battery charge anymore. Then life got busy, but we still made time to go see and visit with him.
Over time, he slowly got worse and worse. Dad said they didn't get all of the cancer and Grandpa just chose to live as long as he could. We knew he was in a lot of pain, but he would never tell us or complain about it. He went from full conversations to just one-word answers to not talking at all. We knew our days were numbered with him. We tried to keep him as comfortable as we possibly could. In the last two days, Dad said his breathing was starting to labor.
That morning, Dad called just before 9 a.m. and I was instantly scared because I wasn't sure if this was the phone call we've been dreading or not. I answered and he said, are you busy? I told him of course I was because I was at work during the busiest part of my day. He said okay and hung up. Weird, I wonder what he wanted. I texted him back telling him that if he needed to stop by and drop something off that was fine. He wrote back, "Mom changed her mind". I said oh, okay.
Then Dad called Doug (who was home after his dentist appointment) several minutes later to let us know that he just got off the phone with Bonaventure who informed us that Grandpa passed in his sleep during the early hours of the morning. And they are JUST now letting us know??!! It was 9 a.m.! Why didn't you call us as soon as you found him this morning?! This place absolutely terrible with communicating with us about important information.
I was two hours into my workday when I had to let people know that I had to leave and logged off around 9:15. I got dressed quickly and ready to go help Dad with whatever he needed. Doug made sure he was presentable, and he hopped into the Escape with me. We drove over there and realized that this was the last time we were going to make this drive.
We went to the front desk, got our temperatures and paperwork checked and went to his room to see him. He just looked like he was sleeping. Poor Grandpa. We chatted with the case worker while we waited for Mom and Erika to join us. Once they got there, we came up with a game plan: since everyone was there to help, we should pack up his room and maybe we will get a prorated refund to help pay for his bills.
We spent the next few hours packing up his item into the plethora of boxes and containers Dad saved. Doug and Dad went into Rainier to get Dad's trailer. When they got back, we had a heck of a time trying to find one of those push carts that they had us use when we moved him in. We checked the whole place. Erika and I looked everywhere. One of the workers found them for us and told us that the maintenance guys move them around. We took them up the elevators and to Grandpa's room to start loading them and taking them down to the trailer. It took us a few loads to get all of it down there. Some of it we fit into Mom's Expedition and my Escape.
We took it into Rainier, Erika rode with Dad and Doug rode with Mom, I drove in by myself. We didn't really know what to do with everything at Grammie and Grandpa's house, so we left most of it in the trailer and the stuff from Mom's Expedition and my Escape we took into the garage. Dad decided he was hungry, so we piled into Mom's Expedition and drove into Rainier to eat burgers at Sonja's. I haven't been there since Grandma's 80th birthday party. We ate, drove back to Grammie and Grandpa's house, got into our separate cars and headed back into town.
We went back to Bonaventure and Grandpa still wasn't picked up to be transported to Mills and Mills. We actually didn't know he was still there because they had covered him up. It kinda scared Mom because she didn't know he was there until his foot touched her. We were actually disappointed that he hadn't been picked up yet. We asked if anyone let Mills and Mills know and why it was taking so long. I think I overheard that someone did, but they weren't sure. We didn't get anywhere but then Ben called and sent someone out to the facility right away to pick him up. That was around 5 p.m. He literally laid there dead for 12 hours with no urgency. It was frustrating. I do get that people were busy, but we just wanted confirmation if someone knew to come get him. We found out later on that two other people had died in the facility that day. What a horrible place to die in. Poor Grandpa.
We did a few more errands in town before everyone went home for the evening. What a terrible day.
I took a couple days of bereavement so I could help Dad prepare for the funeral.
I had some time to reflect on what transpired that day and came up with this:
"This morning we received some horrible news. Our Grandpa Dennis decided it was time to be with Grammie once again. He passed peacefully in his sleep in the early hours according to the people at the assisted living facility. We will miss him terribly.
Grandpa Dennis was an amazing, generous, kind-hearted man. He worked hard, provided for his family and would give the shirt off of his back if you asked him to. We spent a lot of our time at their house playing, coloring, swimming in the pool and laughing as kids. He made sure that the swimming pool was clean each summer and a stock of popsicles in the freezer and potato chips in the cupboard. He also helped out in any way he could whether it was cutting wood for the winter, flipping rental houses or mowing the lawn. He took care of hordes of animals over the years from horses and donkeys to pigs and chickens, cats and dogs. He was always working on some sort of a never-ending project, or so it seemed.
He had several friends he kept in contact with up until the very end. The ones who were still alive said he was a good person who treated them well over the years. They were very sad to hear the news.
He was a chivalrous person who still believed in opening doors, carrying Grammie's heavy purse, helping with various chores and holding hands with his beloved wife (it was adorable). They went on various adventures, celebrated anniversaries, birthdays and special occasions because it was very important to them. They made sure to appreciate and support each other every day. They were great role models for their children and grandchildren.
He and Grammie spent countless hours driving to and from our sporting events when we were in school, and they loved every minute of it. Some of you reading this may have been "adopted" as their "grandchildren" at these events over the years. It brought joy to their life seeing other people smile. When I was in school playing sports, it wasn't a game until I saw them in the crowd getting ready to cheer me on.
His stories were always entertaining. When I was a kid, sometimes I had no idea what he was talking about because he had some real complex stories I just couldn't follow. As I got older, I understood them more. He was an intellectual and had a combo of a dry and deadpan sense of humor. He did have some zingers every once in a while, that made us laugh a lot.
I don't remember this actually happening to me (probably because I was too little) but he and Grammie told me the story several times over the years of Grandpa convincing me that Brussel sprouts were Jolly Ranchers. Of course, I believed him and stuffed it in my mouth. It came out within milliseconds. I cried and I am sure they laughed a little at my expense. I mean, I would have.
Life will never be the same without him and his grandpa quirkiness. Like Grammie, we are going to have to learn to carry on their legacy as we navigate our own life. He taught and gave us all the tools we need to be successful in our lives.
RIP Grandpa Dennis, we love you!"
Next Adventure: McBoo and My Morbid Mind
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