This year for Thanksgiving (and fall birthdays) we were going to Kevin and Karla's house again. Also, this year was the first Thanksgiving (and first family holiday) without Grammie and everyone was going to have a hard time with it. I was already having a hard time with it. I really didn't want to go because I wasn't sure how I would handle it. I went anyway.
Ben went to his aunt's house with his mom and sister. Erika went with me. We were the first ones over at their house so we sat in the Escape for a few minutes. We were hoping other people arrived soon. Mom and dad picked up grandma, grandpa drove himself, Doug and Jenn came together and Tracy didn't make it because she was sick.
Everyone eventually arrived and we all brought in our stuff...desserts and presents. Karla had everything ready we just needed to say grace and dish up our food. When Kevin said grace it had a sadness to it. I tried really hard not to cry. I missed her so much and wished she was still here with us.
Dinner was also different. You could see the sadness in everyone's demeanor. We talked mostly about funny stuff to take our minds off of the void that was missing at the dinner table. After we were done eating we cleaned up and got ready for our birthday party.
The birthday party wasn't the same either. I sat there and tried not to cry. We sang happy birthday to Grandpa, Grammie, Dad, Mom and me...in that order. We didn't blow out any candles or anything but we did have some pie as a birthday cake. Presents were passed around to everyone. Grandpa gave us money inside of a card, I got some Ball glass jars with tops on them from Kevin and Karla and a few things from Grandma.
I usually get a family group photo but this time I really didn't have the desire. It's terrible and selfish but I just didn't have it in me that day.
We all really didn't have enough energy nor the desire to play any games so we continued to visit for about another hour or so. We gathered all of the stuff we brought and what we were given and thanked Kevin and Karla for having us over. We briefly talked about Christmas and that I would have an email for everyone in the next few weeks. We got outside and discussed if we were going to Walmart or not for some shopping. Doug and Jenn opted to go home and do it tomorrow, Erika decided to go with mom and I to the Tumwater one.
I mainly went to get a carpet cleaner. I had seen some of the ads earlier today and saw a great deal on one since our house really needed one between the cat, the dog and our shoes. When we got there of course everyone else in a ten mile radius was there. We parked pretty far away and had to dash across the parking lot in the rain.
There were tons of people with shopping carts disregarding everyone's personal space to grab stuff they really don't need. I went in for one thing and ended up with a new pillow, some new Pyrex containers (to replace some of them) and an ottoman. I had a use for all of them. We made it pretty short and sweet and were in a line and through in no time. We went back to our house, I dropped Erika off and took mom home.
I headed back home and we spent the evening watching shows and hanging out. This Thanksgiving was pretty hard and emotional and I really don't think I will ever be the same. Grief is probably the hardest thing I have ever had to experience as a human being. Everything reminds me of Grammie. She was such a huge part of my life and I will always remember her. I hope this gets easier but I don't think it will any time soon.
Next Adventure: Gingerbread Houses, Christmas Party and Fa La Llamas
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